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It blew me off.. i never knew the analaytic me would be such puffed when it comes to writing a simple silly query of my life.. The query was supposed to look like this..
Q:> select top 1 from ALL_BRIDES_DB
But i made some joins viz...
INNER JOIN :
Q:> inner joined my family,
OUTER JOIN:
Q:> agreed to outer join my friends.
SELF JOIN:
Q:> agreed to SELF JOIN TO THE BRIDES FAMILY, SELF UNJOIN from boose, smoke, and mouth watching :'( From neta to abi neta, who doesn't make promises ?
CROSS JOIN:
Q:> cross joined again to tell the world, i am straight (NOT Sec 377 Comptabile)...
and there was a Where condition.... (as suggested by me).
Q:> Where BRIDESDADS_BANK_AC > SLUMDOG_MILLIONAIRE
Q:> AND CAR_OF_BRIDE atleast a ('BMW','HONDA') OR NOTHING LESS THAN A ('SUV')
Q:> AND KG_OF_GOLD > Count(Sachin's Century) in kgs.
When this query was executed, As expected, the results were to be counted on the fingers, But there was a subquery written by the result achieved...
Q:> SELECT GROOM WHOSE FATHER IS ('BIRLA','TATA','RELIANCE','D GANG',
..... AND THE LIST WENT ON...
But unlike other query editors, It gave a list of 'CLOSE MATCHES', those brides were all in ghoongat, cover their head with saree tip...
But now that i had almost found an answer to my reply to the TOP 1 BRIDE MINUS THE BANK BALANCES AND THE CAR, were there many more conditions added by the INNER JOINED PEOPLE....
a) Groom's Mother - She should be able to do household work too
Q:> AND BRIDE ALSO 'A DIGNIFIED COOK'
b) Groom's 1 Relative.
Q:> AND BRIDE HAS BOTH HER PARENTS
c) Groom's 2nd Relative.
Q:> AND BRIDE HAS A GOVERNMENT JOB
That saga went on as they were sitting in a circle and passed many rounds of conditions, while i walked out...
I was sure that in this digital age, where marriages are not made in heaven, but happens over the internet, I was finding it even difficult to do a peer to peer network connection.... Blah.., the query that i executed would have not only returned ZERO results, but would also returned an error message... "TOO MANY CONDITIONS.... Your Query has been suspended..."
In the meantime, my friends has already discussed that, he is a idiot programmer., doesn't know to fine tune his query.! Such a loser..
On the other hand, i was already preparing another query..
Q:> Select OPTIONS from EASY_SUICIDE
Q:> WHERE PAINFUL = NULL
Till I find another query,
Luv,
Dhinu
Color Dilemma!!
These Colors are so great, it help visualise. I can only relate to blood and danger when it comes to the color red and green to nature and pakistani flag color. The firm that i work says, nothing here has got shades of grey, everything is either black or white! Thankfully, i am no colour blind too.
Just incase, you happend to list down your favourite colors. Black and White had a prejudice. i'm seriously sick of the differentiation. Last week, I was chatting with one of my friend and he said, he hates MONDAY, i asked him, who loves it anyways, asks the students too, they too wont like it unless its a public holiday! My ABCD (Amercian born confused Desi's) are even more smarter, they'd actually made a racial remark by hating mondays and also by calling the dark ones there as a MONDAY!.
Cool, Just in case, if this was nothing, I was differentiated in my own country, here its not black and white, but its north and south. Unfortunately, All southies are Madrasis, regardless of being from Kerala, Karnataka, AP or Tamil Nadu. I read comments of few fellow bloggers, who also divided the cricket team into south and north. Wow, Racism at its best, But between them too, I hung out in the shades of grey. I am a mumbaikar, I am south indian for the northies and Northy for the southies. I feel like our own DHOBI KA KUTTA.. NA GHAR KA... NA GHAT KA.
In between all these, i proposed to my GF. Shoot, it all came trembling down, when she had to speak about color too..., Seems like, its not the issue with her, but with her dad. Her dad wants a white groom! aah.., he wants a white groom, not a fair one, I'm still in for it i thought!. This issue had to be fixed, did not seem to be quite be a challenge anyways. That is because, I'd seen John Abraham's Ad for Garnier to become WHITE, and unintentionally in a BLACK squeeze tube.
Down the line, I seen many changes in me. Everything in the process of getting to the WHITE from the BLACK. The Deo Spray, The Pen from Black to Blue. Not to tell about the drinks that i used to have., That too changed from the likes of DSP Blacks and Whisky to WHITE RUM, GINN and VODKA (if not white, they looked plain) The Black Tea N Black Coffee (my favourite) to the regular milked tea and coffee :(, All for a cause..!
Man, the only irony that stands still at the moment is..., I'm only in the shades of grey, Nothing ever changed from the black to white, in the meantime, the GF found a white for herself and the after effects of transformation left me totally grey.
See ya!!
Luv,
Dhinu!
Just incase, you happend to list down your favourite colors. Black and White had a prejudice. i'm seriously sick of the differentiation. Last week, I was chatting with one of my friend and he said, he hates MONDAY, i asked him, who loves it anyways, asks the students too, they too wont like it unless its a public holiday! My ABCD (Amercian born confused Desi's) are even more smarter, they'd actually made a racial remark by hating mondays and also by calling the dark ones there as a MONDAY!.
Cool, Just in case, if this was nothing, I was differentiated in my own country, here its not black and white, but its north and south. Unfortunately, All southies are Madrasis, regardless of being from Kerala, Karnataka, AP or Tamil Nadu. I read comments of few fellow bloggers, who also divided the cricket team into south and north. Wow, Racism at its best, But between them too, I hung out in the shades of grey. I am a mumbaikar, I am south indian for the northies and Northy for the southies. I feel like our own DHOBI KA KUTTA.. NA GHAR KA... NA GHAT KA.
In between all these, i proposed to my GF. Shoot, it all came trembling down, when she had to speak about color too..., Seems like, its not the issue with her, but with her dad. Her dad wants a white groom! aah.., he wants a white groom, not a fair one, I'm still in for it i thought!. This issue had to be fixed, did not seem to be quite be a challenge anyways. That is because, I'd seen John Abraham's Ad for Garnier to become WHITE, and unintentionally in a BLACK squeeze tube.
Down the line, I seen many changes in me. Everything in the process of getting to the WHITE from the BLACK. The Deo Spray, The Pen from Black to Blue. Not to tell about the drinks that i used to have., That too changed from the likes of DSP Blacks and Whisky to WHITE RUM, GINN and VODKA (if not white, they looked plain) The Black Tea N Black Coffee (my favourite) to the regular milked tea and coffee :(, All for a cause..!
Man, the only irony that stands still at the moment is..., I'm only in the shades of grey, Nothing ever changed from the black to white, in the meantime, the GF found a white for herself and the after effects of transformation left me totally grey.
See ya!!
Luv,
Dhinu!
After a long time...
After a long time is because, i dont see myself having posted any blogs off late., that maybe coz, i did not have much to tell the world or even otherwise, all work no play has made this jack a dull boy! So today (to-die) i am forcefully taking some time off from work to blog out something.., as u read., If its on my mind, its in here....
What happens, when your mind is empty ? (Choose the appropriate)
a) An Ideal Mind is the devils workshop
b) Your Mind is never empty
c) A treat to destiny.
Basically, I would go with none of the above options and rather answer this as "You've got a beautiful mind". When your mind is at the least, you've just got a beautiful mind. And probably thats the reason why we love kids and ya, we love puppies too..
First things first.., I found a red nosed guy, found amusing walked upto him and asked.., Dude., wats up wid ur nose., Why is it so red ? Naturally gifted kya ? he replied, Bike chalata hoon... I was like... SO ?? Helmet Pehanta hoon.... Haan.., Compulsary hai.... Tho ?? abbe saale... sabb sunega kya ?? Helmet ka flap bhi daltha hoon... Uff..... Bechara red nosed reindeer.... I thought!!!
One fine day, the socialist in me popped out and said to my collegues who drives and rides "Doston.., We try not to honk tommorrow.., It would decrease the noise pollution... Waise bhi.. Tr. Margaret ne sikaya tha... ONE GOOD DEED A DAY, MAKES A GOOD DAY.. " Cool.., great initiative.. said one of them, I was wider by chest for 1/2 an inch (after a lot of effort) and the next day, one driver comes up and say.., I'm sorry dudes and dudiya, i cudn't just hold it.. HOLD WHAT ?? abt the honks yaar..., itne saare potholes hai.., I cudn't just stop honking at it.. :)
The other day, my friends were all rushing to the medical shop to get a N95. N95 medicals mein.. Zamana kaafi raftaar mein hai... i thought!! The next day, there was a state get 2gether and a N95 union was made... Maaf karna... that happend in Kerala. Now, the last among the least i observed was..., a person with a bad breath would have to tell u the most of secrets in the world.
C ya.,
Luv/Dhinu!
What happens, when your mind is empty ? (Choose the appropriate)
a) An Ideal Mind is the devils workshop
b) Your Mind is never empty
c) A treat to destiny.
Basically, I would go with none of the above options and rather answer this as "You've got a beautiful mind". When your mind is at the least, you've just got a beautiful mind. And probably thats the reason why we love kids and ya, we love puppies too..
First things first.., I found a red nosed guy, found amusing walked upto him and asked.., Dude., wats up wid ur nose., Why is it so red ? Naturally gifted kya ? he replied, Bike chalata hoon... I was like... SO ?? Helmet Pehanta hoon.... Haan.., Compulsary hai.... Tho ?? abbe saale... sabb sunega kya ?? Helmet ka flap bhi daltha hoon... Uff..... Bechara red nosed reindeer.... I thought!!!
One fine day, the socialist in me popped out and said to my collegues who drives and rides "Doston.., We try not to honk tommorrow.., It would decrease the noise pollution... Waise bhi.. Tr. Margaret ne sikaya tha... ONE GOOD DEED A DAY, MAKES A GOOD DAY.. " Cool.., great initiative.. said one of them, I was wider by chest for 1/2 an inch (after a lot of effort) and the next day, one driver comes up and say.., I'm sorry dudes and dudiya, i cudn't just hold it.. HOLD WHAT ?? abt the honks yaar..., itne saare potholes hai.., I cudn't just stop honking at it.. :)
The other day, my friends were all rushing to the medical shop to get a N95. N95 medicals mein.. Zamana kaafi raftaar mein hai... i thought!! The next day, there was a state get 2gether and a N95 union was made... Maaf karna... that happend in Kerala. Now, the last among the least i observed was..., a person with a bad breath would have to tell u the most of secrets in the world.
C ya.,
Luv/Dhinu!
Good Samaritan
It was the friday evening and i started my ride towards home. Coming out from a campus which caters to more than 6000 employees. The guy riding from past me was a guy on a yahama Rx 100, which makes much more than screeching noise and lets outs enough smoke too.
The guy was wearing a racer jacket, which had logos of all different bigges right from AMD to Vodafone. This guy buzzed past me and i had a "Luck go dude..." look towards him, Almost 3 kms away from my office is a railway crossing and around 500 metres before that is a turn towards my destination. This guy, raced far ahead of me and by the time i reached the turning was this person waiting right in between the road.
It caught me by surprise and also for the little fact that the racer kid was standing between the road. He was giving someone a lift. Huh, this guy only managed to stop in between, so that makes me a winner if only this was a race.., I thought. This guy was following the same road that i was following and eventually, i had to wait at the railway crossing for the train to pass. Now, this guy broke the line and went straight ahead, even after the traffic police stopping him in between. The traffic police too would have fallen for his attitude.., i thought! But eventually, this person went all the way ahead, and held the person behind him and another kid and helped them cross the railway crossing and came back to the lane which was ment for crossing the railway gate.
Not for the first time, but i had judged a book by the cover (the looks, the bike etc). Well, I really wanted to pat him and say, You've done a great job buddy. But he was a racer, once the gates opened, he raced off and he was nowhere in visibility when i crossed over.!! But, Dude, incase even by mistake you land up on my blog, "Thank You" for being a human!! I was talking about taking off from ITPL and this incident happend at Hoodi Railway crossing!
============================================
How much do you have to pay for a doctor's visit ? And what if he is a specalist with around 30 years of experience ? Well, nothing less than Rs. 300 - Rs. 500. But things weren't such with a doctor at named Dr. Srinivasa Reddy, Bangalore. His fees is Rs. 20 or Rs.10 (as the article at DNA times said). He is running a dispensary from the last 30 years at a not so common place at Bangalore. He chose that place because, that was the place where most of the construction labourers lived at one point of time. The dispensary is only a 20 x 20 block. They did not have access to any hospitals close by and the doctor himself had to be till a nearby bus stop and later almost 15-20 minutes by foot. He also says, that its just been last year that he could really afford a motor cycle.
http://www.dnaindia.com/bangalore/report_all-in-the-name-of-humanity_1270026
Catch the report here.
Just 50 meters away from this small dispensary was a good big looking hospital of 3 floors, where the doctors doesn't even know what he is treating a patient for.....
Well well well, It makes me feel good to say that there are still human left on this earth, which makes this place much more lively!!
Thank you doctor, and its indeed., all in the name of humanity.
Till next time,
Dinesh!
The guy was wearing a racer jacket, which had logos of all different bigges right from AMD to Vodafone. This guy buzzed past me and i had a "Luck go dude..." look towards him, Almost 3 kms away from my office is a railway crossing and around 500 metres before that is a turn towards my destination. This guy, raced far ahead of me and by the time i reached the turning was this person waiting right in between the road.
It caught me by surprise and also for the little fact that the racer kid was standing between the road. He was giving someone a lift. Huh, this guy only managed to stop in between, so that makes me a winner if only this was a race.., I thought. This guy was following the same road that i was following and eventually, i had to wait at the railway crossing for the train to pass. Now, this guy broke the line and went straight ahead, even after the traffic police stopping him in between. The traffic police too would have fallen for his attitude.., i thought! But eventually, this person went all the way ahead, and held the person behind him and another kid and helped them cross the railway crossing and came back to the lane which was ment for crossing the railway gate.
Not for the first time, but i had judged a book by the cover (the looks, the bike etc). Well, I really wanted to pat him and say, You've done a great job buddy. But he was a racer, once the gates opened, he raced off and he was nowhere in visibility when i crossed over.!! But, Dude, incase even by mistake you land up on my blog, "Thank You" for being a human!! I was talking about taking off from ITPL and this incident happend at Hoodi Railway crossing!
============================================
How much do you have to pay for a doctor's visit ? And what if he is a specalist with around 30 years of experience ? Well, nothing less than Rs. 300 - Rs. 500. But things weren't such with a doctor at named Dr. Srinivasa Reddy, Bangalore. His fees is Rs. 20 or Rs.10 (as the article at DNA times said). He is running a dispensary from the last 30 years at a not so common place at Bangalore. He chose that place because, that was the place where most of the construction labourers lived at one point of time. The dispensary is only a 20 x 20 block. They did not have access to any hospitals close by and the doctor himself had to be till a nearby bus stop and later almost 15-20 minutes by foot. He also says, that its just been last year that he could really afford a motor cycle.
http://www.dnaindia.com/bangalore/report_all-in-the-name-of-humanity_1270026
Catch the report here.
Just 50 meters away from this small dispensary was a good big looking hospital of 3 floors, where the doctors doesn't even know what he is treating a patient for.....
Well well well, It makes me feel good to say that there are still human left on this earth, which makes this place much more lively!!
Thank you doctor, and its indeed., all in the name of humanity.
Till next time,
Dinesh!
Mom... How would you like to see me ?
The 4th std kid is confused on seeing their parents run and hence decided to apply thought to what does he do when he grows up. He has enough time during his summer vacation and hence one fine Sunday afternoon, after mom's shopping & hopping at home and after dad's weekly maintenance schedule which resulted "SUCCESS", the boy took all the courage to ask... " Dad, Mom.. What are you guys upto?, at time you even forget that i am around... I wanted to know, what career should i take up when i grow up... "
Both parents had a tough look, It was bigger than "ONE TIGHT SLAP" on MTV. Looking at the kids age., mom thought of making a joke of it..., " Beta.., Kuch bhi ho..... Housewife matt banna. S/w Engg tho bilkul hi matt banna.." Dad giggled and joined in saying... " Beta, Agar s/w engg bann bhi jaaye... tho weekends mein kaam nahi karna.." The kid started getting a little aggressive.
"Mom, do i have an option ? " asked the kid..
" How about a doctor ? ", That's an option for sure, but you see.., You are too scared to see blood., Moreover, we are anti-violence supporters. We can stand no blood.
Dad had quite an unique idea... " How about a lawyer ?? " for which mom replied.. " There would be blackmailing and at one point or the other, you may have to lie & cheat in pressure..." its no good option!!
"How about a building engineer ? " asked the son.. Thats a fair profession to take up. Mom objected, " I dont want to see my son in the sun, burning it out there., look ahead 20 years from now., you wont be able to cope up with the weather and moreover its going to be so bad outside. "
The kid now started getting irritated, come on mom and dad, i just asked for a simple little question, and you guys are upto discussing all possible negatives of a profession, So we better stop answering the question to what i use, rather, i refine the question to something like this... "How do you think, i should live when i grow up? ". There was a sparkle in the mom's eyes and had already made up the list.
1. Live in a huge bungalow, covered by security, servants and drivers.
2. Have a respecting job, which even have people saluting you when you walk in.
3. The best of all, You have to be creative in all the projects/assignment that you take up.
(the boy is having so many things going in his mind now..., and moreover when bollywood movies are at stake).
4. Dad adds.. The job should be less quantitatively, but quite a competitive one.
Dad was about to add some more, when the kid exclaims... " Major at the army... ". Mom had a turn down on her face and then the kid suddenly realised, oh... we are the non-violent ones...
Looking at the curiosity of the kid..., Dad decided to remain mum, mom let the kid think and he suddenly comes up with a bright idea..., Dad, I wish to be a DON., What ?? Yea, an underworld don!! Are you crazy ? dad exclaimed...
Dad & mom, please dont sallow your words, look at the points that you listed above.., I feel the Don is the right match, moreover, what i would have to do is, sit somewhere in the middle east and give directions to my business partners (suparis)., And then you see SRK, Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahi.. Naa mumkin hai...
Beta, aisa nahi kehti.. Don isn't a good man.., remember, we are anti-violent, We need no Khoon-Karaba...
"Okay dad... How about a Neta ? " Asked the kid... Dad was almost covering his face with the hanky., God, where is my kid getting all these ideas from ? You... You..., (pointing towards his wife).
"It wasn't me..., I've not told him anything like that, he must have kept track of the recent elections maybe.. " Said the mom. Beta, Neta is not good too.... He is often in between many chaos of the public, He is sometimes involved in bribes and crimes.. We are still anti-violent.
Gosh, I should not have brought up the topic itself. I am off to play. Parents looked stunned at each other for whatever the kid expelled. In other way, they also started imagining what if he really did what he just said. Both parents were done and out and either of them having no clue as to what to respond when the kid comes back, he comes back with lot of joy and expression...
Dad, I've found out something, which is respecting, demanding and competitive., Dad was stunned..., so was mom... " What the heck would that be.... "
Dad.., "I Want to be a cricketer in India..., "
Both parents had a tough look, It was bigger than "ONE TIGHT SLAP" on MTV. Looking at the kids age., mom thought of making a joke of it..., " Beta.., Kuch bhi ho..... Housewife matt banna. S/w Engg tho bilkul hi matt banna.." Dad giggled and joined in saying... " Beta, Agar s/w engg bann bhi jaaye... tho weekends mein kaam nahi karna.." The kid started getting a little aggressive.
"Mom, do i have an option ? " asked the kid..
" How about a doctor ? ", That's an option for sure, but you see.., You are too scared to see blood., Moreover, we are anti-violence supporters. We can stand no blood.
Dad had quite an unique idea... " How about a lawyer ?? " for which mom replied.. " There would be blackmailing and at one point or the other, you may have to lie & cheat in pressure..." its no good option!!
"How about a building engineer ? " asked the son.. Thats a fair profession to take up. Mom objected, " I dont want to see my son in the sun, burning it out there., look ahead 20 years from now., you wont be able to cope up with the weather and moreover its going to be so bad outside. "
The kid now started getting irritated, come on mom and dad, i just asked for a simple little question, and you guys are upto discussing all possible negatives of a profession, So we better stop answering the question to what i use, rather, i refine the question to something like this... "How do you think, i should live when i grow up? ". There was a sparkle in the mom's eyes and had already made up the list.
1. Live in a huge bungalow, covered by security, servants and drivers.
2. Have a respecting job, which even have people saluting you when you walk in.
3. The best of all, You have to be creative in all the projects/assignment that you take up.
(the boy is having so many things going in his mind now..., and moreover when bollywood movies are at stake).
4. Dad adds.. The job should be less quantitatively, but quite a competitive one.
Dad was about to add some more, when the kid exclaims... " Major at the army... ". Mom had a turn down on her face and then the kid suddenly realised, oh... we are the non-violent ones...
Looking at the curiosity of the kid..., Dad decided to remain mum, mom let the kid think and he suddenly comes up with a bright idea..., Dad, I wish to be a DON., What ?? Yea, an underworld don!! Are you crazy ? dad exclaimed...
Dad & mom, please dont sallow your words, look at the points that you listed above.., I feel the Don is the right match, moreover, what i would have to do is, sit somewhere in the middle east and give directions to my business partners (suparis)., And then you see SRK, Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahi.. Naa mumkin hai...
Beta, aisa nahi kehti.. Don isn't a good man.., remember, we are anti-violent, We need no Khoon-Karaba...
"Okay dad... How about a Neta ? " Asked the kid... Dad was almost covering his face with the hanky., God, where is my kid getting all these ideas from ? You... You..., (pointing towards his wife).
"It wasn't me..., I've not told him anything like that, he must have kept track of the recent elections maybe.. " Said the mom. Beta, Neta is not good too.... He is often in between many chaos of the public, He is sometimes involved in bribes and crimes.. We are still anti-violent.
Gosh, I should not have brought up the topic itself. I am off to play. Parents looked stunned at each other for whatever the kid expelled. In other way, they also started imagining what if he really did what he just said. Both parents were done and out and either of them having no clue as to what to respond when the kid comes back, he comes back with lot of joy and expression...
Dad, I've found out something, which is respecting, demanding and competitive., Dad was stunned..., so was mom... " What the heck would that be.... "
Dad.., "I Want to be a cricketer in India..., "
Why specifically India ???...
Till next time..!!
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