Hey, Can you guess what did Sarkaar Raj, Dasavathaaram (Tamil), Sex and the city, Rock on, and few more movies have in common ? I'm sure, it would not ring a bell. I watched all of these all alone. Now, dont you morons think that i was alone in the entire theatre. Ambanis and Tata's still did not manage to adopt me.
Do you wanna read the heading all over again ? I said, Lonliness.. the way to be yourself :-). I'd absolutely no issues giving out those hiccups laugh and cry (when needed) when i was all alone. Although its fun, you did not want to be "Talk of Time" and teased later. Being teased for those hiccup laughs could be managed, but teasing for crying makes others feel that you are so bloody sensitive.
I never thought about this, when i went out for these movies, It used to be late night shows on fridays that these movies were watched. The only reason why i used to go late night was, while returning, i could push those speed on my bike and moreover sleep like a pig till saturday noon. Now that i spend time all alone in a cosy comfortable room 5000 miles away from home do i remember that i was "BEING ME", without any obstacles.
Have you ever tried speaking to yourself ??? For a start, you can do that infront of the mirror, not to feel awk, the reflection would be listening and imitating you! Later, try it when no one is around. Trust me, this is the best feeling that you would ever have! You are your best friend, not the best of friends can replace the friend YOU!
I've not lied to only 1 person in the world, If my mom is reading this, she would be jumping with joy thinking, its her.. She doesn't need to be happy, it wasn't her., it was me, myself. Even the best of best people think that one should spend some time all alone. A little piece of advice to all my fellow collegues & friends (of course, muft mein), get involved in activites like diary writing (A good way to peek into what happend today) and moreover, it gives you some time to be alone. Go for a long walk, You've enough time to speak to yourself and believe me you'll feel so so good.
I guess, I am too high on Vitamin I (me, myself), but i strongly feel thats the way to go about. Atleast you're not making a mockery of yourself by not being you!!
“Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.”
Lost of Luv,
Dhinu!
Lots of luv or Lost of luv..
All of us are familiar to the world of email, we've got so many ways to begin and end our mails. Even the 'MEOW' from Jaane Tu ya Jaane na, seems to be a style to begin an email. I'd a common way of ending emails by saying "Thanks and Best Regards / Dinesh" when official and "Lots of Luv/Dhinu!" when a personal mail.
Off late, when i was ending an email (of course a personal one), i ended up writing, "Lost of Luv/Dhinu!", This mail being a personal one, came back with question "Dhinu, Why lost of Luv ? GF ne ditch kiya kya ?" For a moment i thought, "Kaun si ?" and i replied, "Kuch nahi yaar... Typo tha...".
A silly little mistake, and the meaning itself was changed. But was really worth putting a thought, Hmm... Lost of Luv., It seemed as if an Omen speaking out, but through finger tips this time. :-) So began to probe myself, Lost of luv ??? ????? ??? ??? ??? ???? ???? ????? ???? ???? ???? ?? (And few more question marks). I believed love never existed (As its abstract in nature, can't be found so easily.).
So, once again, back to basics, I thought i'll ask google, but as it did to my search for "Happiness", it would be giving me a thousand million results. I was in the office, I wasn't sure some search result would be pointing to Calm-A-Sutra, the art of making love. I didn't want to be sacked so soon, hence decided not to ask google., As it is, there was life before google and answer to all these questions before google & wikipedia.
"Love", an undefined pain, isn't it actually selfishness ?? When you start loving something/someone, isn't it because you love yourself more than someone/something ? The greed for yourself makes you thrive for IT (could be anything). The best of all, you never notice that someone else is bothered by your selfish attitude.
In all these tumble of Love, Hate, Desire, Hope etc (pls note, all of these are abstract), I decided to be emotionless. I wont react to anything and shall hold it all within myself (this dont include the badwords that i give to my project manager & murmers at the deadlines.) Now maths time, if Love = Selfish, can i conclude Hate = Generosity ? Strange maths........ Isn't it ? But isn't it quite better than the tax calculation that we do during the end of a financial year ?
Oops..., Strange things passing my mind. We pray for each and everything, Not all prayers are answered, Is it just coz, gods do love us that he is selfish on giving us whatever we want ? Maybe or may not be. I am very satisfied with the calculation that i made, I shall go ahead and stick to what the Omens had to tell me, Next time if you receive a personal mail from me and If i were to conclude it saying "Lots of Luv", do mind, it was a typo. I truely wanted it to be "Lost of Luv"
Until my omen strikes again,
Lost of Luv,
Dhinu!!
Off late, when i was ending an email (of course a personal one), i ended up writing, "Lost of Luv/Dhinu!", This mail being a personal one, came back with question "Dhinu, Why lost of Luv ? GF ne ditch kiya kya ?" For a moment i thought, "Kaun si ?" and i replied, "Kuch nahi yaar... Typo tha...".
A silly little mistake, and the meaning itself was changed. But was really worth putting a thought, Hmm... Lost of Luv., It seemed as if an Omen speaking out, but through finger tips this time. :-) So began to probe myself, Lost of luv ??? ????? ??? ??? ??? ???? ???? ????? ???? ???? ???? ?? (And few more question marks). I believed love never existed (As its abstract in nature, can't be found so easily.).
So, once again, back to basics, I thought i'll ask google, but as it did to my search for "Happiness", it would be giving me a thousand million results. I was in the office, I wasn't sure some search result would be pointing to Calm-A-Sutra, the art of making love. I didn't want to be sacked so soon, hence decided not to ask google., As it is, there was life before google and answer to all these questions before google & wikipedia.
"Love", an undefined pain, isn't it actually selfishness ?? When you start loving something/someone, isn't it because you love yourself more than someone/something ? The greed for yourself makes you thrive for IT (could be anything). The best of all, you never notice that someone else is bothered by your selfish attitude.
In all these tumble of Love, Hate, Desire, Hope etc (pls note, all of these are abstract), I decided to be emotionless. I wont react to anything and shall hold it all within myself (this dont include the badwords that i give to my project manager & murmers at the deadlines.) Now maths time, if Love = Selfish, can i conclude Hate = Generosity ? Strange maths........ Isn't it ? But isn't it quite better than the tax calculation that we do during the end of a financial year ?
Oops..., Strange things passing my mind. We pray for each and everything, Not all prayers are answered, Is it just coz, gods do love us that he is selfish on giving us whatever we want ? Maybe or may not be. I am very satisfied with the calculation that i made, I shall go ahead and stick to what the Omens had to tell me, Next time if you receive a personal mail from me and If i were to conclude it saying "Lots of Luv", do mind, it was a typo. I truely wanted it to be "Lost of Luv"
Until my omen strikes again,
Lost of Luv,
Dhinu!!
Only Changes are Constant in Life.....
"Only Changes are Constant in Life ". Two amazing words that you may want to remember when you think about a change, "Good Bye" and "Welcome". You may have to bid a good bye to best of things and not all coming along your way would be appealing, the call is yours to distinguish between HOT or NOT.
Some memories remain! Like healed wounds, it still has scars. Most of the time we forget all good things that happend to us, keeping in mind only about the bad. I unfortunately remember at the back of my mind that i'd done something terribly wrong to someone when i was a kid (7th std), it was too late when i realised that i've hurt that person so bad, luckily, i could find that person to apologise!! Why can't we human change to remember the GOODs and forget the BADs, so easy to preach, and yet so hard to practise., but then, we all still wish to be continuing the way it is, atleast for the sake of being called "HUMAN".
I'm carrying so many memories from the time that we spent in the boarding, I really cherish and look forward to those days again. I am sure, i would not see them again, but can visualise that it was all a good part of some lovely days and as if it all just happend yesterday. I cannot look at my friends as grown ups and not taller than me, coz they were short during the time we spent in the boarding.
Sometimes, parting away is so so difficult, when you are emotionally attached to someone/something. Boarding was my home away from home, and when i stepped into the boarding, never ever did i think that i would spend a good 8 years in the boarding, 8 years flew off like 8 months., I never realised when did my voice start getting a little more bolder and never ever thought that the common bell (time keeper bells) would never go off again in my life. It had almost become a habit that i would only wake up from my bed after i hear the common bell go off, life outside never had a common bell, but that little shakes and naggs early morning from mom. It says na.. Aadato ki aadato naa daalo, varna woh zaroorate bann jaate hai...(Dont make habit of habits, or it would become a need).
We at times have a great and unique way of saying "Good Bye", like my Chennai ODC people., I made sure that i pulled each and everyone's legs when i was there. I guess they had all the frustration at the back of their mind and did not want to spare me. They had an unique way of saying a "Good Bye" Unlike send off to others, they did not just decorate by face with cake, but they made sure that they smash it on my face, they did not even spare my head, you can watch this pic and guess, how did they facial my face. Believe it or not, at the end of it all, i was looking quite quite fairer. Wasn't that a great way to be sent off ? They had given me a loud message through the smashing that "Get lost you moron, you gave us enough.... "
Not so soon in my near life would i have to say a "Welcome" i suppose (Someone else should be keeping heart for me to say a welcome :P), but "Good Bye", thats gonna be as soon as in another 2 months. Hope and wish to carry on with more of Welcome's and less of Good Bye's. If at all life has got something special, it should soon be an end to good bye's and welcome's.
Now that I am almost heading towards the end of the blogs, I may have to utter out "Good Bye" for now and there's a loud and strong "Welcome Back to my site" message too. I shall update this site from time to time. Hopefully, i would never bring you to a brink, when you may have to say a "Good Bye" to this site. Only HOPES can keep one alive... :-)
Some memories remain! Like healed wounds, it still has scars. Most of the time we forget all good things that happend to us, keeping in mind only about the bad. I unfortunately remember at the back of my mind that i'd done something terribly wrong to someone when i was a kid (7th std), it was too late when i realised that i've hurt that person so bad, luckily, i could find that person to apologise!! Why can't we human change to remember the GOODs and forget the BADs, so easy to preach, and yet so hard to practise., but then, we all still wish to be continuing the way it is, atleast for the sake of being called "HUMAN".
I'm carrying so many memories from the time that we spent in the boarding, I really cherish and look forward to those days again. I am sure, i would not see them again, but can visualise that it was all a good part of some lovely days and as if it all just happend yesterday. I cannot look at my friends as grown ups and not taller than me, coz they were short during the time we spent in the boarding.
Sometimes, parting away is so so difficult, when you are emotionally attached to someone/something. Boarding was my home away from home, and when i stepped into the boarding, never ever did i think that i would spend a good 8 years in the boarding, 8 years flew off like 8 months., I never realised when did my voice start getting a little more bolder and never ever thought that the common bell (time keeper bells) would never go off again in my life. It had almost become a habit that i would only wake up from my bed after i hear the common bell go off, life outside never had a common bell, but that little shakes and naggs early morning from mom. It says na.. Aadato ki aadato naa daalo, varna woh zaroorate bann jaate hai...(Dont make habit of habits, or it would become a need).
We at times have a great and unique way of saying "Good Bye", like my Chennai ODC people., I made sure that i pulled each and everyone's legs when i was there. I guess they had all the frustration at the back of their mind and did not want to spare me. They had an unique way of saying a "Good Bye" Unlike send off to others, they did not just decorate by face with cake, but they made sure that they smash it on my face, they did not even spare my head, you can watch this pic and guess, how did they facial my face. Believe it or not, at the end of it all, i was looking quite quite fairer. Wasn't that a great way to be sent off ? They had given me a loud message through the smashing that "Get lost you moron, you gave us enough.... "Not so soon in my near life would i have to say a "Welcome" i suppose (Someone else should be keeping heart for me to say a welcome :P), but "Good Bye", thats gonna be as soon as in another 2 months. Hope and wish to carry on with more of Welcome's and less of Good Bye's. If at all life has got something special, it should soon be an end to good bye's and welcome's.
Now that I am almost heading towards the end of the blogs, I may have to utter out "Good Bye" for now and there's a loud and strong "Welcome Back to my site" message too. I shall update this site from time to time. Hopefully, i would never bring you to a brink, when you may have to say a "Good Bye" to this site. Only HOPES can keep one alive... :-)
Bang to Chennai, Chennai to Bang, Via US...
World is sometimes such a small place to live in, In the last one year, my company has defined a new route for me. I am from Bangalore and was asked to work out of Chennai office, but the project wanted me to travel to the US before joining Chennai office.
So the route taken, Bangalore to Chennai Via Columbus, Ohio(Oh he yo, thats what my grandma calls..) United States. My passport has got few scribbles, some stamps with a color picture on it and a lady holding a torch infront of the sea. Looks decorated :-) I am now a part of a big bunch of s/w people who had been ONSITE. Basically, Onsite reminds me that we have to cook & Clean each day., I guess, the education minister should take a note of this and make 'Cooking' a compulsory subject for Engineering and Science/Maths students. All of them in this field end up with software and at some point of time and also travel onsite. this turns out to be another little reason back at home to demand a little more from the Wud-Be Bride's family, the guy knows to cook too. (FYI.. That makes it clear that i am still unmarried..)
Welcome to Columbus. The city close to the "Birth place of Aviation". Its just not that, In any case if you are an Indian, Life gives you an Extra 9.5 hours to be alive on this earth., If only all wishes were true and as a close follower of astrology, I would have liked to be born in NZ and join the majority in the Seattle, US. That gives almost an extra day of what god did allot to me on this earth.
Was surprised on quite a lot of things, Firstly, it was 1 car / head, no much of motor bikes and just because me being an Indian, found it strange that all of them follow traffic rules. I had to even press the 'Walk' Button before crossing the road. All these stories were told to everyone who liked to hear about US. And most of all, boasted about the fact that never ever did the current go off in the US.
Time passed by, hours turned to days, days bloomed and faded, coz it was end of summer and beginning of fall., suddenly life seemed bright, the leaves had turned yellow and orange and as a part of Fall, leaves too fell. Thank god, Adam and Eve doesn't exsist on earth. it was okay to handle summer, but what they would have done during fall ?.
Next came snow, it was just amazing, we were so thrilled that we used to constantly keep a watch on http://www.weather.com/ and keep a check on what time is the snow going to fall. Finally, it did snow and within a day, snow turned Ice. It was an experience of a lifetime to see 3 seasons within a span of less than 3 months and also the temperature reading in minusus, but in between all these happenings, India was somewhere missed. 'Swades' was the life saver, I've even seen that movie thrice in a week, luckily those days were almost ending and mid decemeber, was coming back to India.
Mera desh... meri darti.. was touched before christmas and then a total new venture., Chennai office, Out from a fridge to an oven. Winter was 32 degree celcius. Had to make new friends, which i luckily could and work with a team whom i had never met before. Days passed, turned out months, it did not convert to a year before the project got over and I was released. Was sure that i was returning to Bangalore, when the routing struck.... "Never forget the way that you travelled...", just like father in the church say on a Ash wednesday "You are ash and will return into ash...".
Life had to get me back to Columbus, yet for another project, another transition. This time Columbus had something special to give me a grand welcome. I reached on a saturday here and a little breeze was in the air, by sunday morning, it started being windy., as the day progressed, it started getting heavy. Columbus made sure that, this time, i shall tell people back home that when electricity in US goes, it doesn't return for even a week. The wind struck bad, trees fell, took off power, few had trees falling on their houses etc, All in all, the city wasn't too happy about me landing i suppose.
Life goes on.... so does trips..., This trip hasn't ended yet, I am looking forward to what has fall and winter in store for me ? is it going to be any special like my welcome ? I guess so, coz, i heard a friend of mine saying that the winter is going to be at its peak. Its not strange, it happens when LEGENDS walk in.
I shall keep you updated if at all, nature plays some one sided game.
Till then.... its me signing off.....
Dhinu!!
So the route taken, Bangalore to Chennai Via Columbus, Ohio(Oh he yo, thats what my grandma calls..) United States. My passport has got few scribbles, some stamps with a color picture on it and a lady holding a torch infront of the sea. Looks decorated :-) I am now a part of a big bunch of s/w people who had been ONSITE. Basically, Onsite reminds me that we have to cook & Clean each day., I guess, the education minister should take a note of this and make 'Cooking' a compulsory subject for Engineering and Science/Maths students. All of them in this field end up with software and at some point of time and also travel onsite. this turns out to be another little reason back at home to demand a little more from the Wud-Be Bride's family, the guy knows to cook too. (FYI.. That makes it clear that i am still unmarried..)
Welcome to Columbus. The city close to the "Birth place of Aviation". Its just not that, In any case if you are an Indian, Life gives you an Extra 9.5 hours to be alive on this earth., If only all wishes were true and as a close follower of astrology, I would have liked to be born in NZ and join the majority in the Seattle, US. That gives almost an extra day of what god did allot to me on this earth.
Was surprised on quite a lot of things, Firstly, it was 1 car / head, no much of motor bikes and just because me being an Indian, found it strange that all of them follow traffic rules. I had to even press the 'Walk' Button before crossing the road. All these stories were told to everyone who liked to hear about US. And most of all, boasted about the fact that never ever did the current go off in the US.
Time passed by, hours turned to days, days bloomed and faded, coz it was end of summer and beginning of fall., suddenly life seemed bright, the leaves had turned yellow and orange and as a part of Fall, leaves too fell. Thank god, Adam and Eve doesn't exsist on earth. it was okay to handle summer, but what they would have done during fall ?.
Next came snow, it was just amazing, we were so thrilled that we used to constantly keep a watch on http://www.weather.com/ and keep a check on what time is the snow going to fall. Finally, it did snow and within a day, snow turned Ice. It was an experience of a lifetime to see 3 seasons within a span of less than 3 months and also the temperature reading in minusus, but in between all these happenings, India was somewhere missed. 'Swades' was the life saver, I've even seen that movie thrice in a week, luckily those days were almost ending and mid decemeber, was coming back to India.
Mera desh... meri darti.. was touched before christmas and then a total new venture., Chennai office, Out from a fridge to an oven. Winter was 32 degree celcius. Had to make new friends, which i luckily could and work with a team whom i had never met before. Days passed, turned out months, it did not convert to a year before the project got over and I was released. Was sure that i was returning to Bangalore, when the routing struck.... "Never forget the way that you travelled...", just like father in the church say on a Ash wednesday "You are ash and will return into ash...".
Life had to get me back to Columbus, yet for another project, another transition. This time Columbus had something special to give me a grand welcome. I reached on a saturday here and a little breeze was in the air, by sunday morning, it started being windy., as the day progressed, it started getting heavy. Columbus made sure that, this time, i shall tell people back home that when electricity in US goes, it doesn't return for even a week. The wind struck bad, trees fell, took off power, few had trees falling on their houses etc, All in all, the city wasn't too happy about me landing i suppose.
Life goes on.... so does trips..., This trip hasn't ended yet, I am looking forward to what has fall and winter in store for me ? is it going to be any special like my welcome ? I guess so, coz, i heard a friend of mine saying that the winter is going to be at its peak. Its not strange, it happens when LEGENDS walk in.
I shall keep you updated if at all, nature plays some one sided game.
Till then.... its me signing off.....
Dhinu!!
Search for "Happiness".
Ask google.com for "Happiness", it gives you 102,000,000 results for happiness!!, Try it out yourself, Results may vary, happiness has no limits you see....
These days, we start a corporate life too young., Once out of college, you keep running behind career/fame/money and what and what not, suddenly when you have left half your life behind, you realise... "Oh holy shit.... I forgot to live".
It wasn't too late since i realised that., Now, all my effort, nope, not all, As i'm not on the bench, i've still got something else to do other than searching for happiness, but nevertheless, the hunt is still on.
I tried taking some sample pieces., no rocket science, no writing books and stuff, just took few people beside me (Most of them were s/w enggs, unfortunately) and i asked them., Are you really HAPPY on what you do... Most of you would have guessed what their answer was...., Of course NO.., I'm not happy with what i do., Some said, they were, but still cribbed about whatever they did., so in that case, Are they really happy ?, Although they said Yes, It was a NO. Some of them said, I love my Career, but i hate Work (Does that make sense?)
Happiness is what we look for, thats got different names now., Can i call it "Achievement"? or shall i sarcastically call it "Greediness" ?, i can call it as many names as i want. Whatever names i give to it, all leads to a single simple thing..... "A race, with no finishing point..." Achievements/Greediness can never be satisfied, do you think it can be ? Atleast, this little mind says, it cannot.......
Now, this may sound a little weird..., off late, had seen a movie, it was an old Malayalam movie, and could not just stop admiring the people. It had characters in the hospital being treated for being mentally ill. They had a limit to all that they thought, They greed was limited, and Achievements ?, I thought they had a small vision and was easily gettable (Even according to what they were going through).
Apparently, life wasn't too good to them, but somehow, i felt, they were better off than what i was. My search for happiness was still on, and few people like them had already attained it. For a moment, i really wished, I was like them!
There is not a doubt that many would find it wierd and can very well oppose to my thoughts.. For a moment, lets be away from work & stuff... be a simple sample human with all emotions.. ask yourself, when was the last time that you had a hearty laugh, when was the last time that you whole heartedly cried (Crying makes you feel better at times). Life has just become a cycle that you follow, many of our BPO Folks have got things upside down, They go for dinner during the noon and has Lunch break at night.
"The world stands in need of liberation my lord... It still has to learn to love, The blind and deaf, the dumb and the maimed, all need to feel a healing touch..." This was verse of a hymn that i learned in my skool days, but am just thinking, who is the "Chosen One" to provide that healing touch ? We have people around who has Eyes, but refuse to see and ears who refuse to hear. All of us search for messengers to Heal the world and make it a better place to live in, but none take an initative to do it. Just like, everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die.
Well, Probably, am turning out to be a Manoj Knight Shyamalan, Not that i am turning creative like him, but dont know how to end this blog. However, shouting out something at the end of it., Dont run for SLA's/EOD/Target/Money leaving behind whatever you felt would keep you happy, all the above takes tedious terrains to get there and by the end, when you reach there., you are not in a position to be there.
These days, we start a corporate life too young., Once out of college, you keep running behind career/fame/money and what and what not, suddenly when you have left half your life behind, you realise... "Oh holy shit.... I forgot to live".
It wasn't too late since i realised that., Now, all my effort, nope, not all, As i'm not on the bench, i've still got something else to do other than searching for happiness, but nevertheless, the hunt is still on.
I tried taking some sample pieces., no rocket science, no writing books and stuff, just took few people beside me (Most of them were s/w enggs, unfortunately) and i asked them., Are you really HAPPY on what you do... Most of you would have guessed what their answer was...., Of course NO.., I'm not happy with what i do., Some said, they were, but still cribbed about whatever they did., so in that case, Are they really happy ?, Although they said Yes, It was a NO. Some of them said, I love my Career, but i hate Work (Does that make sense?)
Happiness is what we look for, thats got different names now., Can i call it "Achievement"? or shall i sarcastically call it "Greediness" ?, i can call it as many names as i want. Whatever names i give to it, all leads to a single simple thing..... "A race, with no finishing point..." Achievements/Greediness can never be satisfied, do you think it can be ? Atleast, this little mind says, it cannot.......
Now, this may sound a little weird..., off late, had seen a movie, it was an old Malayalam movie, and could not just stop admiring the people. It had characters in the hospital being treated for being mentally ill. They had a limit to all that they thought, They greed was limited, and Achievements ?, I thought they had a small vision and was easily gettable (Even according to what they were going through).
Apparently, life wasn't too good to them, but somehow, i felt, they were better off than what i was. My search for happiness was still on, and few people like them had already attained it. For a moment, i really wished, I was like them!
There is not a doubt that many would find it wierd and can very well oppose to my thoughts.. For a moment, lets be away from work & stuff... be a simple sample human with all emotions.. ask yourself, when was the last time that you had a hearty laugh, when was the last time that you whole heartedly cried (Crying makes you feel better at times). Life has just become a cycle that you follow, many of our BPO Folks have got things upside down, They go for dinner during the noon and has Lunch break at night.
"The world stands in need of liberation my lord... It still has to learn to love, The blind and deaf, the dumb and the maimed, all need to feel a healing touch..." This was verse of a hymn that i learned in my skool days, but am just thinking, who is the "Chosen One" to provide that healing touch ? We have people around who has Eyes, but refuse to see and ears who refuse to hear. All of us search for messengers to Heal the world and make it a better place to live in, but none take an initative to do it. Just like, everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die.
Well, Probably, am turning out to be a Manoj Knight Shyamalan, Not that i am turning creative like him, but dont know how to end this blog. However, shouting out something at the end of it., Dont run for SLA's/EOD/Target/Money leaving behind whatever you felt would keep you happy, all the above takes tedious terrains to get there and by the end, when you reach there., you are not in a position to be there.
Yesterday is gone, Today is yours, Tommorrow may never ever come.... so Live life the king size with whatever you have.
And lastly, if you find happiness, do let me know how and where to search it.....
Luv...
ME
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